January 2014~ Your up and your down....

I know it’s only the end of January, but this year so far I would have to describe using the words surreal, eye opening, uncertain, challenging and a bit strange…. It almost feels as if something is about to shift… as to what I’m not quite sure… at the same time not all that worried about it either…and for those who know me.. is strange in itself..

    I do know that I am not the same person I was last year, nor five years ago…. Five years ago, I like most at that age knew it all… would go up against anyone and “had” to fix everything…… 2013 I think left me learning the most…. 2013 was a hard year but a year of learning  lessons I wouldn’t want to lose…. It was a lot about letting go. Realizing that forgiving doesn’t mean acknowledging that what was done was ok but letting go of the anger… It was also acknowledging that breath is much better saved for those who want to hear it and not those who don’t. That not all fights are worth fighting and always being right sometimes isn’t what it’s all about. Along with the fact that my priorities right now completely evolve around my little family……

 I think some of the reason this year has been a bit different is because I’m caught somewhere between the woman I once was before having kids, the woman who wanted to start a family the mom I think want to be, the mom I am and still trying to figure out…. Trying to be everything I want to be but trying to figure what or who that is and how to manage all of the above.

   I think it also has to do with my age and the fact 30 is  around the corner… which is closer to 40… which is closer to 45…. Which is the age I lost my mom ….and of course then comes 47…. The age in which my grandmother lived until… Combined with the knowledge that on February 23^rd marks the 10 year anniversary of my accident….. I’m not exactly sure what it is about big number anniversary’s…. But I’ve thought more about my accident this year I ever have. Which might just be due to the fact that everything has now come full circle with now teaching two theory classes at the college…. Which of course was where I was ten years ago….

       Whatever the case I feel this year has even more in store for us in terms of growth…. In good ways though, good things and great adventures in which I am so excited for us to experience…..

 

With that said though this month has been a tough balance for all of us including for the kids. We are so very blessed to have such amazing people in our lives who have either helped cart our kids, traded me shifts, watched our kids and moved schedules, dates and essentially mountains  so I can take a chance on this new career endeavor of teaching at the college. It’s been a tough balance, with excitement, fear and even tears. Trying to see if I can “do it all” being the mom I want to be, the wife, the friend, the nurse and the teacher without losing myself within each title. I’m going to give it my all and know I won’t be upset if being the mom and wife I want to be win over any job. For I know in another five years priorities, opportunities, life will all be different and I’m certain putting my family first won’t ever be a regret . So here’s to success and knowing whatever the year brings or happens I was given an amazing opportunity and had the chance to experience and accomplished something I was once told I couldn’t.....

 

 Here is some of our Month~


 

Laken and Brett's 1st time on ski's and they both did beyond Amazing!



Happy New Year!

Hockey Pictures

 



 

Baking with Dad

Balance between being so over worked at the hospital and teaching at the college~ winding down with thins that inspire me~

This I think is the very first time I've ever felt really old~ sad and slightly overwhelmed at the same time.. How can my baby boy be going to kindergarten in the fall?

 

A New Year a New attempt~

 

A New year a new attempt at trying to keep up the blog……. Aot of people are blogging now… It’s interesting to see what drives each and everyone to blog. For me it isn’t about who reads it, who finds it inspiring… It’s simply for my kids. A simple insight on my thoughts, dreams, goals and aspirations for not only myself but for our family for each of them. It’s an insight into our lives at that moment how I perceived the world and hopefully if this keeps up how that perception changes.

           The only regret/desire I have with loosing my mom at such a young age it that I knew her perception on her life, her goals, dreams and failures from her written perspective…

         The ironic thing is though that my mom left this for me…. but it fell into the wrong hands and was discarded of. My mom kept journals an insight into her life… how she felt, what was going on ect. When I’d ask “what are you writing?”…She’d reply “You’ll have to wait until I’m gone to find out”… A piece of me is resentful I’ll never know as my mom was a person who was very private and very few people actually knew the real her. I was lucky enough to know the real woman she was and find comfort in the fact everything happens for a reason and there must have been a reason the journals didn’t make their way to me.

  With Blogging, my kids will have a virtual scrap book of their lives and their mom!

With that I apologize here and now to Brett. With a Mom heart full of guilt as the blog failed in documenting your 1^st year. Instead of blogging I was busy loving you…. Any time I’d go to blog the thought of how quickly Laken grew out of the nook of my chest would cross my mind and  I would find myself picking you out of your crib and sneaking you back to your Dad and I’s room to just snuggle you. Please know that I may not have posted as many pictures or posted as much this last year but it was because my time spent with you, loving both you and your brother with my whole heart.

 

 

 

Below you'll Find some of our year~ In no specific order