“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” ~ Mr. Rogers

       I've been though a lot.... and when I mean a lot... I grew up never living under my own roof... always bounced between everyone else's home... then when I was old enough to stay home the physical and emotional abuse was too much and I guess since home was never really home it made leaving at 15 to work 3 jobs, volunteer with coaching soccer, teaching sparks and with recreation at the old age home all the while finishing High School and graduating with two scholarships... More within my own reach then others would maybe be able to see... I could see it because I was in charge... Then of course, an accident.. having to with draw from school... learning after two years to walk again.. a few surgeries and then re-enrolling in school, watching my mom die and finishing school all within the same year. I've been through the surgery thing.... I have a mental routine, I know the procedure, the nurses and everything I could possibly expect to go right/wrong and side ways and how to deal with each.... I have a plan, a routine and then we get on with life, its nothing new.. it just is.. It affects us for a while and then we move on.... I've adapted and become very good at it..
       This entire experience has been nothing like anything I have ever gone through before and I truly couldn't have anticipated any of it.... There have truly been so many ups and downs... right and left turns....a lot of it felt like hell... and then a lot of it left me in Awe of how many Amazing people I have in my life..
    Surgery went well, I was bumped and had to wait, which meant Mark couldn't be with me before I went in but it did allow me to take Laken to school and Brett to the dayhome.. and then came a lot of waiting... but as I was awaiting in Pre op hold and waiting to go in I was greeted by the most beautiful friend who made a humiliating surgery prep, (only because I know everyone who was seeing me at my most vulnerable stage..) A friend who not only came out to wheel me into my OR but held my hand until I went under and reassured me one last time everything was going to be ok..( she will never truly know how much I needed that or appreciated her support and love as I drifted off into the unknown..)  I was able to keep my nipples and the scars will be minimal... My chest looks like something from a bad horror film and the pain has been hard to bear at times..
   As well as the surgery went I awoke with a reaction,  a lot of support, hugs, help and love... Along with some not so nice comments and expressed feelings.... I  had help I could have never imagined and then as always as we all have at times the disappointment of those who I thought would be there and weren't... and I'll be honest, the hurtful comments and assumptions I awoke to right after surgery, took there toll and I broke a little..... taking in my new appearance and reality... along with news the tissues where a mess and they were unsure what pathology of my lymph nodes will say, for a moment it all got the best of me... and for that I am grateful beyond words for the Amazing people in my life...
    The most over whelming about this entire experience has been the amount of support and help... Never in my life have I ever experienced people being soo kind, loving and above and beyond amazing..... I had friends take time out of their very busy schedules to drive two hours to bring me healthy treats, friends who texted and called, sent fruit and flower, the College sent home cooked meals for two weeks in a row, friends sent meals, other co workers from the hospital, ... My sister in law drove two hours to pick up my kids and my mother in law took them after surgery and when things went wrong...Friends who have called regularly or made a trip in with a bottle of wine and a comforting ear, hug and smile...  I truly have thee most amazing friends and extended family anyone could ask for... Which I've known the entire time, but have honestly been overwhelmed as I have never in my life experienced so much support and it took both Mark and I by surprise and left us in awe....
   Thankyou doesn't begin to even come close to how much everything everyone has done from us, and I honestly have guilt as I feel I could never repay the amount or wealth I have experienced in the past few weeks.. I will be forever grateful and promise to pay it forward..